Lessons in Self-Reflection

The Unexpected Experience That Profoundly Changed My Life

For most of my career, I ran on fear. 

Whether it was the fear of not being enough or the fear of things not being OK, fear really fueled my tank. 

And as a result, I'd work all hours of the night, my brain never turning off, always worried that there was more that had to be done. 

But thanks to a pretty profound retreat this fall, I no longer have those fears. 

And the results from that experience have proven to be both personally and professionally transformative. 

A Mindful Leadership Retreat

In the fall, I was invited to join a dozen other fast-growth founders on a three-day mindful leadership retreat to the Catskills.

Hosted by Hampton and led by former-founder Peter Corbett, the retreat included three days of intensive Zazen meditation, extended solo nature immersions, and multiple holotropic breathwork sessions. 

When combined with the extended and intimate conversations with fellow attendees, the experience proved to be a pretty incredible way to step back from the stress of the day-to-day and lean into a deeper level of self-reflection.

And it was during two of the retreat’s holotropic breathwork sessions that I experienced what I can only describe as profound personal transformation. 

Holotropic Breathwork 

If you haven’t heard of holotropic breathwork, you’re not alone. I had no idea what it was myself until I experienced it.

For the uninitiated, holotropic breathwork is a practice that involves controlling and quickening one’s breathing, which over time can induce deep states of altered consciousness. 

In the case of this fall’s retreat, our sessions were led by the esteemed Ilaria Chiantore.

Over the course of multiple sessions I experienced repeated visions – to be clear, generated entirely by breathwork alone – that uncovered truths about myself I was wholly unaware of. 

When the Truth Comes Out

In the first session, after an incredibly challenging first 20 minutes, I experienced a profound clarity that my life was primarily driven by two underlying fears:

1. The fear of not being enough 

2. The fear of things not being OK 

And simply in seeing and identifying these fears, to my surprise, they effectively vanished. 

In a second session, I had a series of visions that began with witnessing my own birth and culminated in me watching myself grow up until my childhood self actually walked into the room we were in, and we were reunited. 

The serene sense of calm that followed was a contentment so rich and rewarding that I am unable to properly articulate it. 

When Fear Falls Away

As incredible as the retreat was, coming back from it proved to be a challenge.

While I felt liberated from these underlying fears that had driven me for years, I found myself feeling like I was a car running on empty.

When you eliminate the fears that fuel you, it really forces some serious introspection. 

The result, at least temporarily, was a bit of wayward wandering.

I questioned how I was leading, what I was building, and even if the field of marketing itself was right for me.

But rather than rushing to resolution – as I so often have sought to do in my past – I took Peter’s advice to “sit with it” and gave myself time to experience this transition. 

Seeking the Opportunity to Serve

What ultimately revealed itself was a rather simple but profound realization that in whatever I do, I am most interested in finding opportunities to serve. 

The opportunity to be of service – whether that’s to my family, to our team, or to our partners – feels both intentional and important. And it’s been a primary motivator for me, both personally and professionally, as I’ve begun to reawaken to the incredible opportunities that lay before me. 

Reconciling With a New Reality

So needless to say, it’s been a pretty wild ride this year. 

While the business has continued to grow (over 50%+ YoY), it’s the personal growth I’m most grateful for. 

I feel like I am finishing 2023 in a fundamentally different place than where I started it. 

And while I have a long, long way to go to uncover, discover, and become all that I believe lies before me, I am approaching it from a place of gratitude and acceptance for exactly where I am right now. 

Because the reality is that in many ways fear made me. It pushed me to work harder, go farther, and was an underlying force behind much of my professional success. 

But that fear no longer serves me, so I am leaving it behind. 

Looking Ahead to 2024

So as one year ends and another begins, you too no doubt are self-reflecting on both where you are and where you want to go. 

As you do, I would encourage you to consider not just where you want to go, but the fuel you want to take you there. 

So cheers to the year. Wishing you and your family all the best! 

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About the Author
Seth is the founder and CEO of Kanahoma, a San Diego-based performance marketing agency on a mission to build a better agency for organizations building a better world.

You can learn more about who we are and what we do at www.Kanahoma.com.